‘There’s a lack of positive space for men’

‘There’s a lack of positive space for men’

A family court has said that if a wife insults her husband in the presence of his friends or in the presence of her friends and relatives, it amounts to cruelty. dna gets one man talking

Amit Deshpande

There is no help for a man if the wife is abusive. The judgment where the court granted divorce to a man who accused his wife of mental cruelty, citing her abusive behaviour towards him, his friends and his relatives needs to be supported. In a marital set-up, if a wife keeps on humiliating her husband for whatever reasons — financial or sexual incompetence — the man is bound to feel a loss of dignity and it is in no way different than the loss of dignity of a wife for any reason. We should see this in the same view of a man humiliating his wife by attacking her womanhood — when she is unable to bear a child — or even if he taunts her for her looks. As a progressive and just society, we should discourage any form of humiliation based upon gender roles. The Supreme Court has given many judgments in which it has granted divorce when the wife has been abusive towards her husband and insulted him in public. Today, men have no place to go to for help if they have an abusive wife or one who shows signs of compulsive obsessive disorder. Men do not even ask for help and continue to suffer in abusive relationships as it is considered unmanly to seek help. The real problem lies in the fact that society functions by creating competition among men. Unfortunately, in the patriarchal social mindset, a man has to earn his manhood to gain respect and survive. The emotions of a man are not respected in the same way as the emotions of a woman are. With the increasing focus on women’s issues, there is a lack of positive space for men in society. Many a time it is found that men turn violent towards themselves and take the extreme step. Every year, over 63,000 married men commit suicide in India. These men are mostly those who have proven their manhood and have become eligible for marriage, including many professionals. According to the principles of natural justice, this judgment seems a step in the right direction. ‘Humiliating hubby is cruelty’, p5

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